Ask Elise
You're not alone in wondering.
Everyday people carry questions they don't feel comfortable asking friends or family. Whether you're struggling with anxiety, relationships, parenting, grief, trauma, or simply trying to understand yourself better, it's okay to ask.
Ask Elise is a safe space where you can submit your question anonymously.
Selected questions will be answered by Elise Beeby, Registered Counselling Psychologist.
No names.
No judgement.
Just thoughtful, evidence-based guidance.
Please remember that responses are intended for educational purposes and are not a substitute for individual psychological assessment or therapy.
Anonymous Asked
How do I get rid of my intrusive thoughts about killing myself or others...? I have been diagnosed with OCD self harm and suicidality. I have tried to take my life three times but failed dismally. I simply am not brave enough. I pose a threat to others and myself when this voice keeps on hounding me. I have been admitted five times but after each discharge, I relapse again and my thought patterns are still getting worse.
Will ketamine infusion therapy work or hypnotherapy?
Elise Answered
Thank you for being brave enough to reach out to me.
Ketamine infusion therapy needs to be prescribed by a psychiatrist.
A combination of Ketamine infusion therapy and talk therapy to be considered, if the psychiatrist of your choice recommend the latter.
Please reach out to KetaMind website and do the necessary research prior to considering this option. Hypnotherapy is an option as an add-on to prescribed medication and talk/behavior therapy. Read up about hypnotherapy and why you think it is an option for you.
Recovery is ongoing and requires persistence.
Radically accept this shadow ego state that came into being to save you.
Find the right therapist where you can feel safe and become vulnerable and don’t feel judged.
Call this shadow self a name and normalize this part of you by speaking to your shadow self (for example call him/her Andy) and to your therapist and others that you feel you have a connection with and can trust. Share your struggle with Andy and request their support. Write a letter to Andy.
Go back utilizing hypnotherapy or regressive therapy to the origin of this voice and destructive thought pattern. Thereafter continue with your long-term therapy including exposure therapy.
Acknowledge your feelings (including your anger) and find a toolkit (with your therapist/psychologist) to enable emotional regulation. Focus on anger management as your anger is probably fueling your destructive thought patterns.
Start writing down all your thoughts and do a mood chart checking into your feelings.
Discuss and unpack with your therapist.
Keep a dream diary and share the latter with your therapist.
The subconscious heals with dreams........
Establish your triggers and unpack your life story and traumas with your therapist.
Develop a CBT / DBT toolbox.
REBT worksheets are very helpful as they enable you to navigate the consequences of your thoughts and actions. Furthermore, they enable you to understand and question your irrational thoughts and beliefs.
Learn to wear your rational and wise hat not your emotional hat.
The minute you embrace silence on your own, with no distractions and nowhere to hide or nobody to blame, the truth emerges and you can see your shadow, and patterns fueled by your shadow riddled with FEAR.
EMBRACE your shadow see, feel, hear, smell touch.... Just be present with all your senses and become aware.
The shadow can’t hide when the light is switched on and when you become conscious.
Anonymous Asked
How do I get rid of and let go of my self-destructive behaviour, which is destroying my entire life? I am pushing everyone away and digging a hole for myself that I cannot get out of. I have ongoing nightmares of falling down a cliff and landing in a dark cave with no light.
I have tried every possible therapy over the past decade, as well as prescribed medication, substances, admission to rehabilitation centres, and psychiatric clinics, but the pattern of self-sabotage continues no matter what I try.
I have stopped using all substances and am eager to start therapy again, as I am on the verge of breaking up with my partner because of my fear of rejection, low self-esteem, and self-fulfilling prophecy: “Reject before you are rejected because you are a failure.”
Elise Answered
Firstly, and most importantly, accept and embrace your self-destructive ego state that initially came into existence to save you. You were not born with self-sabotaging behaviour. The latter can thus be unlearned, and an ego-state death can be declared, making use of the powerful tool of hypnotherapy. Regressing back to the origin, thus the intensifying event and decision made (even during early childhood), that I am, for example, not good enough... a failure, not worthy of love. You are possibly even stuck in the anger-/guilt-ridden phase of grief and loss.
You are also possibly locked into a trauma response, resulting in a fight-or-flight mode (self-sabotage) whenever you feel unsafe and insecure.
Secondly, address your anger, hurt, shame and guilt whilst in a hypnotic trance (letting go).
Access your wise adult self to embrace your inner child in trance, and rebuild, reboot (a fresh start, a new beginning), enhancing... a paradigm mind shift.
The recovery and healing start now by following and implementing these steps:
Get to know the new you. Write to your future self and complete worksheets on self-empowerment. Don’t give up. Implement the laws of the mind that boost positivity and self-love (programming for success). You have a new purpose and legacy to leave behind when you transcend.
Practise kindness, empathy and understanding. Eradicate the victim-rescuer blame-game pattern and judgement. Be mindful in the present, as life is momentary. Forgiveness and acknowledgement of your shadow self... thus becoming accountable and responsible, wearing your wise adult hat... the only way forward.
Take time out to reflect and to conquer your self-destructive thoughts. (Total silence on your own for at least 72 hours, if doable, monthly.)
Journal, write letters, and apply rituals of letting go and thankfulness. Become present in the moment; look, see, feel, hear and touch.
Spend time in nature or allow your furry baby to be your antidepressant/confidant. Meditate and practise self-talk daily, repeating positive self-affirmations over and over, like a stuck record.
Prioritise your holistic well-being and make exercise non-negotiable... chase natural dopamine.
Revisit all your relationships and make amends with people who add value to your life, and with those who did not deserve your rejection.
Remember where you are now after your hypnotherapy... you are living in the now, not in the past. You are reborn, have reclaimed your new personal identity, and have taken back your power...
The moment you are on your own in silence... the light goes on... and you see your SHADOW... The shadow can’t hide when the light shines on and illuminates your shadow.
Just look and see and become aware.
Nothing more; just see and be present. Remember, after your hypnotherapy, you have laser eyes... and wisdom has dawned upon you, and you are healing.